One door opens, another closes
“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end”
Seneca
It’s a well-known cliché but as we begin another year, it’s a time for much-needed reflection on what has been and what is to come. A new year can feel like a new beginning. As Seneca says above, a beginning marks an ending also. You cannot have one without the other.
The origins of January itself reflect this looking forward and looking back. Janus is the Greek god of beginnings and endings, of duality, transitions, doorways, passages and time. Janus is normally depicted as having two faces, one looking to the past, the other looking to the future. January by its very name is the month for endings and beginnings. For closing one door and opening another.
Transitions
Transitions in life can be both joyful (say graduating or getting married) and painful (for example divorce or redundancy). We gain something while we lose something else. Big life transitions can leave us feeling wobbly until we find our footing in our new arena. It’s understandable why we might want to hold on to our old way of being, the familiar as opposed to the new, unknown and uncertain.
Marking these transitions can be useful to help us move along in life. We might roll our eyes at new year’s celebrations (and even resolutions), but if we can make it more than just about popping the champagne and actually acknowledge the year that’s been and the year that’s coming then this particular holiday can have real use and resonance.
Making decisions
Recently I was driving my car when I spotted a squirrel hastily making their way across the main road. I was driving too fast to stop and winced at the prospect of a nasty encounter. The squirrel froze for a moment and then headed in the opposite direction across the road (increasing their chances of us colliding). I cheered on the squirrel to hurry and thankfully they made it clear before I whizzed past. That moment of freezing and indecision from our furry friend almost cost them dear.
Making decisions is part of living. When we make a decision, we chose a specific door to walk through and close the others available. Sometimes our fear and anxiety around making decisions can leave all possible doors wide open and we end up running frantically up and down the corridor (of life) never committing to one direction, remaining in a sort of limbo.
On a personal note, squirrels aside, in early 2023 I made some big decisions and through this I closed some hefty doors. This was a scary process. For a while it felt like no new doors were emerging. I felt stuck and lost. But little did I know the universe had other plans. And when the time was right, and I was ready, new doors have begun to open. I realise now I needed to experience that lost feeling, even though it was pretty rough for a time. This difficult state forced me to re-examine key areas of my life and after a fair bit of a pity party for one, I decided to take some action and before I knew it, the doors appeared before me.
Holding on and letting go
I don’t think we can talk about doors closing without talking about grief. In order for us to move forward and walk through the open door, another needs to close and be lost to us. The holding on and letting go when it comes to loss is sometimes referred to as the paradox of grief. Both opposing forces have to be held. I sometimes like to think of it as you cannot remember unless it’s been first forgotten. Both co-exist and have a voice.
It’s the process of managing loss in our lives. It’s not about closure, (many therapists call the closure concept a myth). It’s about making meaning out of the loss. Grief and loss aren’t finite. Maybe it’s not so much that old doors close, but we come to a place of acceptance that their use isn’t an option anymore and that new doors may harvest new opportunities.
Have you ever found yourself say pottering about at home, and walked into a room to do something and forgotten what it was? Well, you are not alone! This psychological effect is known as the “doorway effect”. As we pass through the doorway, our short-term memory goes blank, and we have to consciously try to recall what we entered the room for. I like to think of this simple phenomenon in relation to endings and beginnings. As we walk from one room to another, from one life stage to another, our memories go through a reset. The previous room is forgotten temporarily as we enter the next, and by marking the transition both memories and experiences can re-emerge.
So, in honour of January, let’s acknowledge our psychic doorways as we transition into the new year and a renewal of self, whilst acknowledging the journey so far. Happy new year all!
Photo by Zulian Firmansyah on Unsplash
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