Anger – it ain’t all bad

January 31, 2024March 29, 2024 by suziechick 1 Comment

Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean

Maya Angelou

I know this month is normally reserved for all things romantic, but I thought I’d explore something that can also be red and hot; anger! 

I find anger is often deeply misunderstood carrying many negative associations. I get it. If we had less anger in the world we might be living in far more peaceful less chaotic times. But anger ain’t all bad, is it? 

Anger and our brains 

Scientists believe that anger is a feeling that has been hardwired into our brains following many years of evolution. Anger is linked to our primal instinct to protect ourselves from danger. Anger can trigger our fight or flight response (activated by our amygdala), flooding our bodies with stress hormones (namely adrenaline and testosterone) preparing us for physical attack and response. But here is what’s important to remember about anger. At the point when we might be ready to react with anger, another part of our brain kicks in, the all-important prefrontal cortex. This part of the brain is the most evolved, and the last to develop, and helps us with decision making and reasoning. So, if all is going to plan, we feel anger, we prepare for aggression but then our prefrontal cortex kicks in, we place our angry feelings in context and perspective and we reason ourselves out of any primal urges and avoid doing something we may regret. 

Link to depression

Depression and anger are often linked. That might seem a bit odd given the characteristics of depression, (i.e., low mood, sadness) are worlds away from the fiery place anger inhabits. But sometimes what can happen is that instead of expressing anger outwards (maybe cause it’s not safe or allowed), we turn anger inwards and against ourselves through self-blame and criticism and this can cause feelings of depression. 

Speaking again of our trusted old friend, the prefrontal cortex, scientist Luca Passamonti has discovered that those with an active prefrontal cortex, who thereby highly inhibit their anger often experience depression. So, this very much implies that expressing our anger appropriately (emphasis on that word) could help alleviate symptoms of depression. Overuse of the prefrontal cortex discourages us from expressing our anger, leading to important feelings being repressed. There seems to be a balance that needs to be struck when it comes to managing and expressing our anger in a healthy way. 

A secondary emotion

Brene Brown in her fantastic emotional dictionary “Atlas of the heart” describes anger as a secondary emotion that can often act as a mask over other painful feelings such as sadness, guilt or fear.  I agree with Brene on this but equally I don’t want to erode the validity of anger as a stand-alone emotion. Sometimes we’re just angry and that’s enough. It’s always worthwhile to wonder what has pushed my buttons so strongly but it doesn’t always mean that there has to be some long-winded back story. 

Psychological value

Most of us don’t like to feel angry but it can yield great psychological riches when it comes knocking on our psyche. I also think its bad reputation comes from not the feeling itself but how it is expressed. We can all get angry but it’s how we communicate or discharge it that causes issues.  

Brene describes anger as “a powerful catalyst for change” but it needs to be acted upon and transformed otherwise it becomes “a life-sucking companion”.  I certainly agree with Brene here. Anger is something I welcome when it comes in session. It’s telling me that change is underway. The client’s anger has the ability to transform, to shift the client out of stuckness and into life.  Something being expressed outwards instead of inwards. A connection to our psychic fire which as the wonderful Maya Angelou explains, has the capacity to burn it all clean. Her words are a fantastic reference also to the alchemical process of calcinatio where our primary material is burned into ash ready for further transformation. We are purified by the fire with the harmful parts of ourselves left hard and dead.

I notice when I feel angry it’s informing me that someone or something has crossed a boundary or core value of mine.  My anger puts me back in touch with what is important to me. That’s incredibly useful. It is then up to me to decide how best to act upon my anger, most likely reasserting my boundary and maybe communicating my feelings (in a clear and calm way; often after several rough drafts). 

Expression

Anger I feel is often given a bad rep in the dialogue of feelings. It’s often perceived as bad or wrong, when It’s actually ok to feel angry from time to time, in fact it’s pretty much part of being human. Where we can become undone is what we do with our anger. How we choose to express or discharge our anger is key. Anger should be expressed assertively not aggressively. The old saying “act in haste, repent at leisure” very much comes to my mind when discussing anger.

Equally holding onto anger isn’t good for our mental or physical health. Chronic anger consumes us from within (with depression often setting in). Anyone who has ever felt resentment (this being old, cold anger) will know of that uncomfortable sensation. 

Time

I always need time to process my anger. If I’m challenged in this emotional state immediately then I am more likely to act out unconsciously and come to regret it later. That processing time is vital to digest what’s going on. 

I remember one example whilst training. I walked away from a workshop one evening feeling enraged at the facilitator. I sat with this anger all night. I was bubbling inside, practicing what I might say to this facilitator, what I will accuse her of, my little self-righteous speech on repeat. Then in the morning before returning to the workshop, I was innocently drying my hair and as I bent down to pick up my hair dryer I had an immediate realisation of who I was truly angry at (spoiler it wasn’t the facilitator) and how the workshop experience had merely triggered me. I felt encouraged by my process and relieved that I had given myself enough time to sit in my anger. I was then able to attend the workshop that day and convey my process to the group and the facilitator. The anger remained, though there was a massive heap of sadness underneath it, but at least I didn’t take it out on the unsuspecting facilitator! 

Taking time to process our anger gives us a chance to identify the source and get to know ourselves better. Giving us time when we feel angry, allows our brains to catch up, to come out of fight/flight mode and make a more sensible and safe choice about what to do about how we feel. 

So next time anger comes knocking at our psychic door, welcome it in, get to know why its visited and take that vital time before pursuing any action. 

Photo by Hello I’m Nik on Unsplash